Millenials: We're Trying, Okay? Honest, We're Trying.


Yesterday I wrote a blog post about the immense difficulty of doing anything. It was an explanation of why, after making a decision to write a daily blog, I then didn't write a blog post for 6 months. Because like, life's hard and stuff, isn't it?

Now it would be quite easy for me to not write anything for another 6 months. I literally don't think anyone would notice. Everyone is busy writing their own blogs, or uploading photos to their Instagram account, or tweeting because we are millennials and this is what we do. What happens when an entire generation sees home ownership become a complete fantasy as the average home prices in Vancouver and Toronto hit a million dollars years ago and just keeps rising while wages stagnate and our politicians call us spoiled because we don't want to move to Langley, or Abbotsford, or Brampton. "Spoiled millenials" they call us. "They can't adjust to the fact that the major urban centres of Canada are no longer for them. They should've planned ahead and bought a home in 1983, 4 years before they were born. Move to some town in Canada, where no, I personally would never live because I don't have to, but you, whiny millennial scum, what's so wrong with Kelowna?" What happens when literally the only reasonable chance you have of ever becoming a home owner in a city is through inheritance? Well, you sit around waiting for your parents to die and hope to somehow become Internet famous. You look at Dan Bilzerian's Instagram account and think "this doesn't seem so hard. Really, what's this guy doing? He just floats on boats with hot women, or shooting guns with hot women, or lies around a mansion with hot women and this is somehow a self-sustaining career? He's somehow making money by constantly displaying his wealth? I could easily do that. Sure, I don't have a mansion, or a boat, or know any hot women, or any guns. But what if I start off slow, with just like a knife or something and my friend Julie in a nice sweater. Julie's quite nice, isn't she? Or what about that 'daaaaaamn Daniel' kid? He got on Ellen just with some silly catch phrase that went viral. Can I come up with a viral catch phrase and film it? What about Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit Steve! No, too derivative. Maybe, fuck Farron! No, that's the exact same thing. This is way more difficult than I thought. I need a real job.  But I also can't just have a normal job. I need a side hustle. How will people know that I'm not just another drone. Like, I know I'm not special, but I'm a little special. Okay okay okay, I'll start a blog. But do people actually read blogs. It sounds ridiculously outdated. Like the only time I hear anyone mention blogs is when they're making fun of blogs, and even making fun of blogs is outdated, at this point it's like making fun of Uggs. But I mean, I need to do something. Baby boomers had the option of getting careers, making enough money to buy a house and start a family and then just kind of phoning it in till retirement, but that's not really viable for us. If we aren't at least trying to become internet famous, all anyone in my generation really has to look forward to as we get older is being less fuckable while still being underemployed."

At this point, the real meaning in the social media accounts of millenials isn't in what they are, but what they represent. They are virtue-signalling. But not the type of virtue-signalling that the conservatives accuse progressives of for being vocally not racist. No, the virtue we are signalling is hope. "WE'RE STILL HERE!" we shout from our Insta's. "Look! I made a nice meal! Isn't that nice! I know I will never own my own home, or have a career, but I haven't given up yet. I could've watched two episodes of Ozark in the time it took me to prepare this supper, but I didn't because I'm an adult goddamnit, despite not having any of the signifiers of adulthood that the previous 3 generations had, I am still here!"

You know when one of your friends hasn't posted anything to Instagram or facebook or twitter or Snapchat for a while. And you think to yourself "hmm, I haven't digitally heard from Jerry in a while. I wonder if he's okay." He's not okay. Call Jerry, he needs a friend. In Elie Viesel's book 'Night' he talks about how in Nazi concentration camps, you could tell when certain prisoners had lost the will to live because they would trade their food tickets for extra cigarettes and within days they would be gone. This is what millenials do when we stop posting to social media. Nobody likes social media. All it does is fill us with envy and feelings of unworthiness. We do it because we must. Because to not is to admit defeat. Every tweet is our display of the resilience of the human spirit, every Instagram post signifying the will to live no matter the circumstances.

Watch any dramatic or comedic movie or tv show made in the last 10 years and there's a 40% chance that something or someone going viral is a plot device. The entertainment industry wants us to believe that 4 out of 10 of us will attain internet celebrity seemingly without trying and sometimes against our will. We know that this isn't the reality and the chances of going viral is slightly less than winning the lottery. But this is the role of entertainment, to sell us dreams and keep us placid and sedate as Hindu cows. One day, and probably one day soon, we know we will have to rise up and revolt against a broken democracy that has been hijacked by corrupt oligarchs and billionaires. But that sounds like a lot of work, like a lot. And have you seen Ozark? It's so good. 

So for now, we post.